K'vod Hamet

I just returned from a funeral. So many beautiful things were said about the deceased by her three daughters, husband and sisters, beautiful things we can all really only aspire to have said of us when we, too, are gone.

There are many things I enjoy and appreciate about Jewishness and Judaism, and our funerals are one of those things. There is something so solid and so authentic to me about the simplicity of a Jewish funeral with our plain coffins, our customs, our ways. But perhaps the most solid and comforting of our customs takes place at the graveside.

To begin, we do not greet the mourners when they arrive, we simply let them arrive, take their seats and face the reality of the situation. After the very brief graveside service, burial begins and it is, to be sure, a community effort. By taking it upon ourselves to each shovel three shovels of dirt into the grave, we do a lot in this simple act. We see that the earth in which the deceased is laid to rest isn't daily-work dirt placed by paid workers, but that each shovel is filled and emptied with a heavy heart as a community. Dirt hitting a coffin makes a very particular noise, too. It is haunting, to be sure, undeniably a terrible sound and undeniably accompanied a feeling of finality. Though we generally avoid things that are uncomfortable and upsetting in our lives, this act of shoveling dirt brings us to the undeniability and reality of death; the place one must reach before any healing can ever begin.

It is a task that shows our responsibility to the community, each other, to honor the deceased one last time, and to care for the grieving family and (and this is key, I think) it is, in a sense, a gift the deceased has given to the people they leave behind. Because when shoveling dirt atop a coffin, let me tell you, there is no denying the situation, even the deepest denial cannot continue in light of what the eyes are seeing and what the hands are holding.

Usually three or four shovels are available. We place three shovels of dirt because it is said that once can be accidental, but doing anything three times is definitely an intentional act. You really mean it when you do something three times, so we see repetition like this often in Judaism. And, we shovel using the back of the shovel, not in the customary cup-up way one shovels, say, a garden. Some say this is to express both our reluctance and show we are not eager for the task. Some say that to use a shovel so oddly is to show things are different today than on other days.

After the three shovelfulls, we lay the shovel back down, still facing down, instead of handing it to the next person waiting. To pick up the shovel from the ground is to show we are acting as our hearts have prompted, and doing this gesture because we feel compelled to do so, not because someone handed us a shovel and we didn't want to appear rude by not taking it. We really tend to intention in Judaism, and making sure to do things with the right intention, but also to making sure we appear to be doing things with the right intention--this is a place where we really seem to have covered everything. So, we step forward, pick up the shovel from the ground, place the three shovelfulls of dirt in the grave and place it back down on the ground.

But, and this is important, the family goes first with the shoveling. Well, often the rabbi or cantor or officiant is do the first bit of dirt, but then the family, then the others in attendance. Then, once everyone inclined has shoveled, people step forward and begin shoveling differently, with a certain greater intensity, some with the shovel still upside-down, some with the first one to three shovelfulls upside-down and then switching to shoveling right-side up and the remainder of dirt is replaced. All shovels are in motion digging and placing dirt into the grave, and people take turns shoveling, and the feeling there at graveside with everyone shoveling and crying is like none I have ever seen anyplace else in my life. I say that because usually family members step back up to do a lot of this intense and differnet shoveling. You can watch their faces and see how much they need this action, to know they saw to every detail, to know they left nothing up to strangers and to know they left nothing undone in the mitzvah of k'vod hamet.

And then, the family makes to leave, surely the hardest part, and we make two rows with ourselves, spanning from graveside to car on each side, as if we all both escort them home, and all stay behind to stand watch over the grave a moment longer.

Vanity Kippah

I present Vanity Kippah! I especially liked the gallery of presidents in kippot. Bush looked strange, like a non-smoker holding a cigarette, but Clinton looks at ease and rather nice in kippot, I thought.

Tikkun Olam & Tzedekah: Hurricane Gustav Aid

If you Google my name and New Orleans together, it's very clear I try very hard to support the place to the best of my ability because it is a place close to my heart.

Like most of us, I believe it is obligation to help where and when we are able as the opportunity presents itself, and so gave money and food to various organizations to support people and animals in the hours and days following the levees breaking during Hurricane Katrina and, as some of you probably know, when I started Pilcrow Lit Fest, I already knew I wanted it to support the New Orleans Public Libraries, and did. Maybe it seems far away and resolved to some people, which is fair enough. Eighty percent of New Orleans flooded when the levees failed. That's 160 square miles of homes, businesses, schools and libraries-- roughly the size of seven Manhattan Islands-- and stayd under water for weeks. And that's just New Orleans proper. Communities nearby like Slidell, Biloxi, Gulfport and Pascagoula had much of the same with which to contend.

Some areas of the gulf have made decent progress in rebuilding, most areas have not. Crime is high, many people are angry and feel forgotten; many are. So much is still so far from being repaired, so many people are still in such great need; yet Kim Kardashian cutting her toe on a coffee table is all over eight networks. That's an awful testament to our compassion, collectively.

(Aside: Blaming the media is useless. While it's maybe a poor choice to cover some of the fluff that does get covered, it's still up to each of us to go find information. We have greater access than ever to resources and information, yet we, more and more, wait for information to be given to us. Some do this, some do not, but I think it bears repeating and considering.)

Hurricane Gustav is hitting the Gulf Coast, making landfall as we speak, potentially and probably right to New Orleans and surrounding cities; cities that are still weakened from three years ago. At least two major areas of New Orleans' levee system are horribly under-repaired near St. Bernard Parish and Harvey Canal/west bank. Not good. The storm seems to be hitting from directly below and not slightly from the southeast of New Orleans, sparing the levees the strain of the highest of the storm surge. Baruch HaShem the levees will hold this time.

Regardless, communities are going to, undoubtedly, need support and resources, and from many directions and sources. I offer some suggestions and encourage you to donate time and money as you are able. Some are religious organizations, some are secular; all are working to support Gulf Coast communities:

Catholic Charities USA's Disaster Response Team is already nearby, waiting to partner with local Catholic organizations to dispense aid after Hurrican Gustav including clean water, food, cleaning supplies and toiletries. Click to contribute to Catholic Charities USA's response efforts or call (800) 919-9338.

Jewish Federation of Greater Houston is accepting post-storm volunteers and goods. Email jfsvolunteer (at) gmail (dot) com. Jewish Federation of New Orleans is welcoming evacuees at Camp Jacob, and welcoming disaster relief donations via their exisiting Hurricane Katrina Relief Fund, as is the Jewish Federation of Greater Baton Rouge.

Jewish Family Services of Greater Dallas issued a bullet-point list of actions and disaster relief information that I found particularly useful. I most like that the author of this list made a point to mention the emotional impact of evacuation, property destruction and displacement. (Hat tip to AngerBoy for this information.)

Direct Relief International has sent supplies to distribute in highest-risk areas and is in the post-Gustav Caribbean areas already.

Hands on New Orleans (I'll admit that I don't know a ton of this organization, other than what I've been told secondhand) is working to support local and state agencies and organizations to help facilitate a highly-coordinated response after Gustav. They've asked for funds to operate volunteer centers and to deploy a first-responder team (click here) as well as various items and goods (click here).

The Louisiana Disaster Recovery Foundation (LDRF), is expediting resources to Gulf Coastal agencies to help with evacuation, already helping the Lafayette Restoration Center move seniors and people with special needs out of New Orleans and to safety. Visit the LDRF website to find out how to donate, by clicking here.

Operation USA, an international disaster relief agency, is partnering with community health clinics to anticipate needs resulting from the evacuation of millions of people and in the hours and days immediately following Gustav making landfall. Operation USA is asking people, foundations and companies for donations and relief supplies to enable it to respond effectively.

Southern Baptist Disaster Relief (SBDR) feeds people, evacuees in particular, but really anyone. Over one hundred SBDR food centers have been alerted to be ready to mobilize along the Gulf Coast, four centers in Texas are already up. They need foods and funding.

World Vision, an international Christian relief agency, has readied emergency supplies in Picayune, Mississippi, and truckloads of additional goods are on standby in Dallas and other U.S. locations. The organization's domestic disaster response teams are also on standby today, with expert staff prepared to deploy from around the country as needed after Gustav.

American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA) has already helped evacuate animals from animal shelters throughout the Gulf Coast. ASPCA's disaster response team is on site in Shreveport at the Louisiana Megashelter, where animals belonging to evacuees are arriving and are being cared for; homeless animals in shelters are being transferred to agencies outside of the areas at risk. (Also information on disaster preparedness for animals can be found here.) Support them via their website.

Former presidents George (HW) Bush and Bill Clinton are urging persons to contribute via USA Freedom Corps.

Save The Children has called for aid to support their US disaster relief team to help children and families as they arrive in evacuation centers throughout Mississippi and Louisiana, click here to earmark contributions for this effort.

Will update this list as made aware of organizations calling for aid.

I know, I know...

Oy vey, I am awful about keeping this blog up to date. I made a resolution to be better about it. I want to be better about it. The trouble is that I find myself remembering a little late each week. Bear with, bear with.

JWI

JWI is doing a cool event this Mother's Day, too:

Every spring, JWI's Mother's Day Flower Project sends beautiful bouquets of flowers to 150 battered women's shelters across the country in time for Mother's Day, while it raises funds for programs that help victims of domestic violence throughout the year. For each donation of $25 or more, we'll send a heartwarming Mother's Day card to an honoree-- a mother, daughter, sister or friend-- to let her know a donation was made in her name.

Pre-Pesach

My buddy VideoJew Jay Firestone is back for more with The Matzah Challenge.

OSRUI

So, Leah , who blogs Accidentally Jewish and who is helping Pilcrow Lit Fest lately more than I can fully make any of you understand, is working with OSRUI, a midwestern URJ camp, to help them publicize an upcoming event on the night of May 2, and I couldn't resist helping her hock a bit. About this event, she says:

The Jewish Discovery Shabbat is a one night retreat for people who are 25-40 and Jewish, curious about becoming a Jew, or interfaith couples who want to know more about Judaism. We have two great rabbis coming to lead the weekend and our regional outreach coordinator. The cost of the retreat is $75 per person and includes lodging, food and all of the workshops. We also have a Facebook group for people interested in attending the retreat... It will be a great chance to talk through some big and little questions about Judaism. I can say from experience that a Shabbat at OSRUI is truly a restful Shabbat.

So, if you're Jewish, Jew-ish, wannabe-Jewish, or spouse/partner of, or just curious about what all of our funny words, candles and 26 holidays in a year and such are all about, give it a whirl, meet some people, do a little talking, a little listening. Or, click around the above links for more info.